Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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