My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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