Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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