I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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