she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
