Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
