I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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