Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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