I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
