I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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