Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
