names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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