Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
