i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
