my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
