he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
