this beer tastes like vomit already
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
