no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
