that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
