You're earring is so big in my mouth
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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