our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
