You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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