I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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