I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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