I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Please, let me fuck your mom
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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