i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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