Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
