Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
