Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
