I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
