I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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