OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
