I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
