He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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