If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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