i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
