I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
