I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
