I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
