I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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