Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
they need to just BURY HIM!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
