I just threw up on my dentist
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
