I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
