i jhust puked up my retainher.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
