yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
