Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
