Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
