new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
