They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
