just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
